The biology of blind spots: how anger hijacks mediation

Mediation as a conflict resolution tool is often touted for its ability to create an environment of understanding and facilitate communication. However, attempting to mediate when experiencing anger can be detrimental, not only impacting the process itself but also the relationships involved.

When the fight or flight response kicks in

When a person is in a state of anger, something happens that they have no control over – their body’s physiology changes dramatically due to what is known as the “fight or flight” response. This biological reaction is orchestrated by what is called the sympathetic nervous system, resulting in the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. When faced with a perceived threat or injustice, the amygdala — the brain’s emotional centre — becomes hyperactive, shutting down rational thought processes managed by the prefrontal cortex. To put it differently: your primitive brain kicks in to protect you from harm. It is quite obvious that this state is not conducive for calm and reasonable discussions on what challenges participants might face.

In this context, anger can often push individuals into a defensive mode, where the body prepares to either confront or flee from the perceived threat. This state can significantly impair an individual’s ability to effectively mediate conflicts. With heightened emotions dictating behaviour, the ability to communicate openly, listen actively, and empathise with the other party diminishes – that is physiology and it happened without you even knowing about it.

You don’t have control over what happens in your body

Anger automatically triggers a whole grocery list of physiological responses that complicate effective communication – after all, you are preparing to fight or flee and not to negotiate the best outcome in a structured manner. For instance, when someone feels angry, their heart rate increases, muscles tense, and cognitive function may suffer due to less blood flow to the brain’s rational centres. This “fight or flight” reflex focuses attention on immediate threats instead of logical thinking that is needed conflict resolution and may lead to escalated discussions and heated exchanges rather than calm, productive dialogue. The inability to remain composed not only affects the person mediating but can also influence the parties they are trying to help.

 Impulsivity and rational thought go out the door

In moments of anger, people often act impulsively rather than thoughtfully and it makes sense: in the moment of anger your primal instincts kick in and logic goes out the door. This impulsivity can lead to poor decision-making, which is particularly harmful in mediation settings. When emotions run high, individuals may become fixated on winning an argument or asserting their viewpoint rather than seeking a collaborative solution.

Furthermore, anger can cloud judgment. When rational thought diminishes, the mediator may misinterpret statements, overlook important details, or prematurely close discussions without addressing underlying issues. This is where a trauma-informed mediator could step in to navigate the situation, diffuse the anger so that the participants could mentally regroup to enter into meaningful conversation.

 The importance of emotional regulation

Successful mediation relies heavily on the ability to manage one’s emotions. When mediators are overwhelmed by anger experienced by the participants, their capacity to cultivate an atmosphere of trust and safety diminishes. Effective mediation requires a level of neutrality and emotional regulation that becomes difficult to maintain in a heightened emotional state.

What should mediators do?

Acknowledging the limits of mediation when angry highlights the importance of developing strategies to manage one’s emotions before stepping into a conflict resolution role. Rather than forcing oneself to mediate while in a heightened emotional state, individuals should consider techniques to cool down.

1. 1. 1. 1. Taking a break: Allowing oneself to step away from the situation can provide clarity and an opportunity to process feelings of anger. This break can allow emotional responses to subside and provide a more conducive environment for mediation. Skilful mediators would pick up on anger cues and diffuse the situation by either taking a short break or to separate the participant to conduct separate caucuses individually.

1. 1. 1. 2. Engaging in physical activity: Exercise is a great and powerful outlet for anger. Engaging in physical activity can lead to the release of endorphins, helping to improve mood and reduce feelings of anger. The mere fact that someone is asked to leave the room for a couple of minutes could do the trick – obviously it is not expected that participants do 5 reps of star-jumps as a physical activity before returning to the mediation room.

1. 1. 1. 3. Practicing deep breathing or mindfulness: Even if traditional meditation feels out of reach, practicing deep breathing or mindfulness techniques can help ground one’s emotions and promote a sense of calm. Although this technique could be helpful, not everyone is comfortable to sit in the meditation position and sing Kumbaya.

Finding the right time for mediation

Timing plays a significant role in dictating whether all parties can engage in constructive dialogue. Choosing to mediate after severe emotions have settled demonstrates respect for the emotional experiences of all involved. When mediators can approach discussions with a clear mindset, it creates opportunities for open communication, understanding, and meaningful resolution.

Anger is a natural emotional response that serves a purpose in signalling when boundaries have been crossed or when injustice has occurred. Instead of viewing it entirely as a negative emotion, acknowledging its role can pave the way for constructive dialogue and resolution. It is important to regulate this anger healthily rather than suppress it entirely.

Anger does not have to be the enemy of effective mediation; rather, it should be recognised as an emotional cue that warrants attention and management.

Compiled by Eugene Opperman (B.Proc. LLB.) (LSSA L.E.A.D., ADR Network, FAMAC, NABFAM), a legal practitioner and accredited mediator.