Are aggressive lawyers best for children of divorce?

Divorce can be a tumultuous journey, and many individuals seek out aggressive “pit bull” lawyers in the hopes that their fierce representation will secure the best outcome for their children. However, before you unleash a legal attack dog, it’s important to carefully consider your options. Despite the belief that a courtroom showdown is the answer, practice has shown that what’s truly in the best interest of your children may not be found in an acrimonious court battle. Divorce is a difficult and emotionally charged process for all parties involved, especially the children. When a marriage ends, parents must make tough choices about dividing assets, debts, and time with their children. Unfortunately, these decisions can sometimes lead to conflicts and disagreements that require the involvement of lawyers, social workers, mediators and the ultimately court.

Many parents may have the belief that hiring a pitbull and aggressive attorney is the most effective approach to safeguarding their own interests and ensuring a positive resolution for both themselves and their children. It is often assumed that an aggressive lawyer will advocate more passionately, negotiate more effectively, and instill fear in the opposition, resulting in potential settlement or compromises. However, is this truly the most advantageous strategy for children whose parents are going through a divorce? What are the possible advantages and disadvantages of retaining a forceful lawyer in a divorce proceeding?

Benefits of aggressive lawyers

Hiring an assertive or aggressive attorney can potentially bring valuable advantages during a divorce case. With their fierce determination, a powerful lawyer may be able to secure a quicker and more advantageous resolution. Their bold approach could convince the opposing party to settle outside of court or accept a lower amount for spousal maintenance, child maintenance, or property division. This can ultimately save time, expenses, and emotional burden for both parties, while also mitigating the children’s exposure to the turmoil and instability of the divorce proceedings. It’s important to note that aggressive lawyers are not necessarily abrasive or impolite, but rather focussed and unwavering in their pursuit of their client’s best interests.

Having a strong and assertive lawyer may bring about other advantages, one of them being the ability to safeguard children from potential harm or mistreatment from the other parent. In cases where there is proof or suspicion of domestic violence, substance abuse, mental health issues, or neglect by the other parent, an aggressive lawyer has the skills to direct you to court to obtain a protection order or even supervised visitation. This not only protects the children’s overall physical and emotional health, but also shields them from any potential future trauma or danger.

Drawbacks of aggressive lawyers

In the world of divorce, there is often a focus on “winning” at any cost, leading to aggressive lawyering tactics. This can result in lengthy and aggressive legal battles that can greatly impact not only the involved parties but also any children. The adversarial and very formalistic nature of these proceedings can create a hostile environment filled with animosity, barring the ability for healthy relationships to form moving forward. However, opting for an aggressive lawyer may sometimes have negative consequences, particularly for children. A major drawback is the potential for these lawyers to (unknowingly) escalate conflict and ill feelings between parents, further intensifying the already adversarial atmosphere. This can significantly increase the stress, anxiety, and anger experienced by both parties, ultimately causing harm rather than resolving conflicts.

Another disadvantage of hiring an overly aggressive lawyer is their potential to sacrifice the well-being and long-term relationship between the children and their parents. With their intense focus on winning or appeasing their clients, these lawyers may overlook the importance of reaching a fair and reasonable solution that truly serves the needs and interests of the children. They may also dismiss the desires and viewpoints of the children, as well as the expertise of other professionals, such as social workers or therapists. This can ultimately lead to an undesirable outcome for the children and exacerbate the bitterness and animosity between the parents.

Always put the children’s best interest forward

Divorce can deeply affect children, as they are highly attuned to the journey of their parents’ separation. How the divorce is managed can significantly impact their emotional and mental well-being in the long run. Unfortunately, using aggressive legal tactics in the process can only add to their stress and confusion. Opting for mediation can create a more supportive and amicable environment for the entire family to navigate this difficult transition. The beauty of mediation in a divorce lies in its emphasis on open communication, cooperation, and prioritising the children’s best interests. Instead of focusing solely on individual gains, mediation encourages parents to find common ground, coming up with creative solutions and collaborate in creating parenting plans that cater to their children’s ongoing needs and maintain a positive co-parenting relationship.

Moreover, by working together in a collaborative manner, mediation can lay a strong foundation for a cordial co-parenting dynamic after the divorce process has ended. This can be achieved by promoting an atmosphere of mutual respect and empathy, setting the stage for successful co-parenting and ultimately providing a more stable and nurturing family environment for the children. Studies have demonstrated that children who are exposed to high levels of conflict during their parents’ divorce are more likely to face emotional and behavioral challenges. By choosing mediation instead of confrontational and aggressive legal methods, parents can significantly decrease the overall level of conflict and decrease the detrimental effects on their children’s mental and emotional well-being.

Mediation can also be a more cost-effective and efficient means of navigating the divorce process. Lengthy court battles can be financially draining and can consume significant time and resources. Mediation, on the other hand, can often lead to quicker resolutions and can help parents avoid the financial strain associated with protracted litigation.

Last words…

Sometimes, it may not be in the best interest of children from divorced families to hire an aggressive lawyer. While there are potential upsides to having a fierce attorney in certain scenarios, the potential downsides cannot be ignored. In fact, an aggressive lawyer may end up doing more harm than good by exacerbating the conflict and animosity between the parents, and ultimately jeopardising the children’s well-being. On the other hand, mediators offer a different perspective – one that focuses on creating a bridge instead of seeing a legal battlefield. Their main goal is not to triumph over the other parent, but to find common ground that benefits the children. Through effective communication and teamwork, mediators guide parents towards becoming co-parents and prioritise the needs of the children above all else.

Ultimately, the best legal champion for your kids isn’t about who bites the hardest, but who builds the sturdiest bridge. Choose a lawyer or mediator who values collaboration, prioritises their well-being, and helps guide your family towards a calmer, more cooperative future.

Written by Eugene Opperman (B.Proc. LLB.) (LSSA L.E.A.D., ADR Network, FAMAC) , a legal practitioner and accredited mediator. 19 February 2024.